Purpose in Process
PURPOSE IN PROCESS
When I told a friend, that I was moving into my own place she predicted that things would be different for me. Well, truer words have never been spoken. Since the move I have taken a designated, intentional time of prayer ‘most’ mornings and that has led to intentionally seeking the face of God and having the things on my heart answered.
A back story. In 1993, while reading the Word, God told me my life’s purpose. Though I did not fully understand it at the time I knew it was for me. The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised. Luke 4:18.
I would recite the scripture from time to time and read it in several versions still not having a real clue of what it meant for me and the purpose of my life. And then life happened and continued to happen until 2014. Shortly after moving to Dallas, I attended a 6 week ‘deliverance’ type ministry to break the soul ties I had allowed to attach to me. During the week 5 session one of the facilitators came up to me and gave me a hug – no words, just a hug. But this hug was a hug from the Father Himself delivered to me by this obedient individual. It was a hug that broke the bands of Satan himself. A hug that tore down strongholds I did not even know existed. She hugged and I cried. You see, week 5 of this Soul Ties ministry session was about the breaking of sexual soul ties. And that night I confessed to an almost stranger something that I had never ever spoken to anyone before. I poured out to her that at the age of 17 while working as a college intern in Chicago, I was travelling home late one night and I was forced at knife point to go under the elevated train. And I was rapped. When the act was over and the rapist had left I just got up, put myself back together and climbed back up onto the platform and travelled on my way home. The rest of the summer just went along as if nothing ever happened. And there went the rest of my life (as if the incident never happened). Until this moment this Monday night. I never told anyone about it. Not only did I not tell anyone, I never thought about it again. I have since learned that the body has a way of taking trauma and tucking it away so that you can continue to survive. I had no flashbacks, I had no remembrances, I had no outward signs of it ever happening. I know that it did happen, but I could not tell you where or any details. All of those thoughts were buried. There was nothing!!
My trauma was stored in a hermetically sealed container buried deep in the recesses of my soul. As time went on it was covered over and put into a dark place. It is the dark places of our soul that the enemy loves. And from those dark places he has much that he can control. But when light is shone on the darkness Satan loses his power and control. That infamous Monday night he began to lose power over many areas of my life.
The Ties That Bind facilitator suggested that I speak up about the rape and tell my children because then it would not longer be a secret and the exposure would be liberating. That decision did not require a lengthy time of prayer and fasting for I knew that she was right and talking about it would set this captive free. I was nervous, but not scared. It was freeing to talk about and that conversation broke down so many other barriers that I was not even aware were standing. Some things became clearer to me. Patterns of behavior, decisions I made, things I said or thought that I believed all came with a new illumination. A new perspective.
How does all of this bring me to present day? And how does it show purpose in the process? How does all of this relate to the scripture Luke 4:18?
When something is buried deep it can not be seen but the contamination affects the top soil. So is true in this situation. My burying the incident had an affect on my topsoil – my lifes’s actions and decisions. The denial was a form of agreement. By denying the rape’s existence even to myself I was in effect agreeing with the lies of Satan. I subconsciously believed that I was contaminated. It was not even significant enough for me to remember, because one remembers the important aspects of ones life. You remember and celebrate your milestones and you remember and maybe not celebrate, but certainly remember your sorrows. Since I did not I believe I subconsciously told myself that it did not matter and neither did I. True emotion was replaced by fear. Oh slick Satan did not have me demonstrate fear of traveling alone or at night. I had no fear of subways or strangers. No, that might have brought up remembrances as I analyzed the why. No, my fear manifested itself in other ways. It was the fear of not being good at everything that I did. And I mean good at it in a very short period of time. I got a tennis racket for my birthday one year and was given tennis lessons. But because I was not instantly a Billye Jean King (I am dating myself) or a Serena Williams I stopped playing. I stopped trying. I had to be good and could not be vulnerable.
But through it all, God had purpose in the midst of my process. I am certainly not saying that God ordained or condoned the rape or the other subsequent traumatic events of my life, but He certainly had a plan for me and knew that I could use the events in fulfilling that destiny.
Thus, The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised. Luke 4:18.
When I came to know Christ and gave my life to the Lord I dove right in and never turned back. I studied the Word, found a Word believing and teaching church and tried to feed my insatiable appetite for the things of God. I wanted to know and understand the Word of God and I needed it not to be complicated. The years went on and as I previously mentioned, life happened.
Until that particular Monday.
Purpose in the process! The events of my life have been part of the process and I will allow God to use every bit of it for His purpose.
I have begun to come out of my comfort zone and use my life experiences for the benefit of others. The sharing of my testimony of freedom can heal the brokenhearted. I can minister to those who are poor inspirit and assure them that the God who delivered me can do the same for them. I am now working with individuals assisting them to uproot family iniquities and come out of agreement with the lies of the enemy. Preaching the gospel to the poor in spirit.
The promise of purpose that God gave me in 1993, is now coming to pass.
Bottom line is, God has a way of taking our pain, capturing our tears and working all things together for our good. And we know that all things work together for the good of them that love God to them who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
While this is just a small excerpt of the events of my life, it demonstrates how God is not deterred by our misdirection or our side steps. He has a plan for us and the confidence that we will fulfill it. I know the thoughts (plans) that I think toward you, saith the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11a
If we trust God with who we are and give all of ourselves over to Him He will direct our steps. Order my steps in thy word, and let not any iniquity have dominion over me. Psalm 119:133
I allowed my inward fear and my lack of self-worth to make decisions for me that took me places and involved me in things where I was trying to create value and self-worth. But all along God saw me as valuable and worthy. Worthy enough to sacrifice His only begotten son to die on the cross that I might be redeemed back to Him.
And He waited for me never giving up on me knowing that eventually I would be the Luke 4:18 person he created and destined me to be even before I was in my mother’s womb. Before I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee. Jeremiah 1:5
What is God waiting for you to do? You know that what He gave you to do only you can do. What He has put in you He did not put in anyone else. You area uniquely designed to do what God has purposed you to do. Your destiny awaits you and there is someone out there who needs what you have to give.
What are you waiting for?
I have finally taken the plunge and moved out into what I have been called to do. I am a teacher by both profession and calling so I have begun to minister through my teaching of a course entitled, The Answer. The course is the message of salvation and a training for discipleship. It is designed to teach the participants the full meaning of salvation and redemption and how to deliver that message to others. So many people may think they are saved but may not be. So many give their lives to Christ without full understanding of what God wants for His children so when things get rough they walk away. That is not the plan of God for our lives. He sees our hurts and has and answer for each one.
This ministry course teaches on salvation, discipleship and prayer. And it is birthed from a word I was given over 25 years ago but allowed to lay dormant until I was able to clear away the junk and come out of the darkness.
Do not let the fear of the light keep you in darkness and away from your purpose.
I have also begun to write more frequently and post to my blog NewDayNewRevelation.Blogspot.com. 25 years later I am pealing away the darkness and reaching toward the light and pressing toward the mark of the high calling.
There has been purpose in the process.